I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize