dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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