He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
