I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
