he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
