And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
