Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize