Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had sex on a roof
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
