He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
