a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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