I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
