vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize