If that was your dad, he is hot
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
