I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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