We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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