Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize