i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
