I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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