Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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