HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
