lets start a swedish sibling band together
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
