Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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