Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
