That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize