I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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