You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
