do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's always time for handjobs
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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