I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
