You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
