I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she looked like the before picture.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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