Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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