we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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