Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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