i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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