Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize