I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
