You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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