I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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