this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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