Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
