got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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