Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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