I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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