just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize