i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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