We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
