you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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