a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
