that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I supernannyed him into submission
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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