how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's like iHOP with fire
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize