I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
