I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
