i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
