I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My penis needs a shock collar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
