I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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