I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
