but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
