Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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