Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
