you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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