So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
