i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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