Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
