Yo dont text me then not text me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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