Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
