Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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