When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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