He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
