Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
