Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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