she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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