Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
