there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
