At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
