Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
