if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
