so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize