Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
