I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
