Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
