Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
