I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
