Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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