exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
