Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
