My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
