Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize