hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
