They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
