Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you never un-have a 4some
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
