sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
